Friday, March 28, 2014

Baby Backstory

Babies.  I don't like them.  I really don't like them.  In our family (that being my wife and my 4 kids), we believe in breast feeding.  It is what breasts are for (at least until age 40 or so).  The sexualization or over-sexualization of the female breast is a whole other blog post.  In fact, you should probably check out Britta Foster on that topic if you want to learn more (Britta's Blog).  Bottom line on babies, since I can't do the breast feeding...I'm not a whole lot of help for the first 6-9 months.

I'll be even more honest, until the baby is mobile I don't really want anything to do with the baby.  My wife can calm any crying baby by nursing it.  I've seen it happen with 4 children.  I SERIOUSLY lack that tool in the tool bag.  I've found that until I can talk with and interact with my children, I have a hard time forming a real and lasting attachment.  I am honestly worried I will do something stupid like drop the baby, drop something on the baby, or something I can't even imagine to hurt, injure, or kill the baby.  In fact, when a baby is born, the LAST thing I want to do is hold the baby!  Are you kidding, my wife just went through 9 months of misery and the 1st thing you want me to do is take a shot at ruining it?!?

I love teenagers.  I can talk with, hang out with, and teach them all day long (and every day of the week); but babies worry me to no end.  I pray that no one ever asks me if their baby is cute.  Oh, please, if you are reading this, NEVER ask me about that!  It bugs me that all a crawling baby wants to do is wiggle out of your arms, crawl for a minute, and then wine & cry until you pick them up.  They then repeat that over and over for hours.  I know guys at Church who will take babies they see to class and hold them.  I am NOT that guy.

When we had our 1st child, it was after 3 years of being married without having any kids.  We decided that life had been a little too easy, like being on cruise control.  So, you take some obligation, a little bit of guilt for being D.I.N.K.s, and living in a "baby making culture" and we started having kids.

We have come a long way from those days.  We have 4 kids and they are all awesome in their own way.  Some are like me and some are like Rachel.  Most of them are a mix-and-match with characteristics that are derived from both parents.  We love and adore our kids.

I still never ask to hold anyone's baby, but I will volunteer to watch kids when the need arises because I've successfully kept 4 of them alive for over 8 years now (well, I've kept at least 1 alive for 8 years and now I can hang out with all 4 no problems).  We have come a long way in how we teach and raise our children.  I love when I am able to spend time with them.

BUT, the focus has always been to have 4 kids as quickly as we could (once we started) and then get them all on a Mission for our Church and then off to college where they can get married and move out.

That was the plan, until Rachel made a deal with the Folks Upstairs.

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